Here are 10 ways to avoid the whole wedding racket, or what I call “the wedding industrial complex.”
1. Never lose sight of why you’re planning a wedding. You have chosen to spend your lives together—and that is a wonderful thing. I have seen brides and grooms experience amnesia during the planning. They forget why they’re getting married and let the stress overwhelm them. “Bridezilla” may be an exaggeration, but these women—and their crazy grooms—exist. The planning process is not always pretty. It can take over your life—if you let it.
2. Think of wedding planning as a joint effort. You and your mate should work on things together and have designated tasks (give him lists of things to do with due dates), but also do a lot together. It makes the process fun.
3. Consider a budget ahead of time and stick to it. Don’t let anyone persuade you to do something you don’t want. Consider what you could buy or invest in post-wedding. If you skip on the expensive gown or caterer, the money can go toward education or a down payment on an apartment or house.
4. Wear what makes you feel good, not what the world thinks you should wear. You don’t have to wear a gown or a veil if you don’t want to. White, cream, and all versions of ivory are gorgeous, but not all of us want to wear it. Why not green, blue, silver, or gold? Here is a photo of a couple where the bride is wearing a gold cocktail dress. She was happy—and it showed.
5. If in doubt, skip it. In the wedding industry, so much is about theater—and it’s optional. I had a location event coordinator go on about “lighting options.” My idea of good lighting? Tea lights and some simple votives on the tables and window sills.
6. Observe people carefully before deciding to work with them. I try to avoid vendors who say things like “You really should …” or “You have to …” or “You need to …” No, you don’t. As soon as someone starts talking to you like you are a child, run away as fast as you can!
7. Keep the wedding an expression of you and your mate. Write your own vows. Don't have a a best man or bridesmaids. Decide on a small ceremony on a separate day from the reception. No matter the reaction is from your family and friends, plug ahead with your plan.
8. Shop around. Not all vendors are alike and never assume that a vendor is giving you the best possible price. Higher prices do not always correlate with higher quality in the wedding industry. It is hit or miss. And when a vendor hears the word “wedding,” it’s often code for (sshhhh!) “double the price.” Give yourself options and don’t feel rushed into doing anything. Base your decision on compatibility and need.
9. Designate one night of the week when wedding discussions are off-limits. Banning wedding talk guarantees that there is one day when not a thought or trickle of conversation between you and your mate is given over to “the big day.” Hell, make it three days a week.
10. Ditch what you don’t like; take what works for you. There is so much advice out there: from books, Pinterest, magazines, TV shows, web sites, and blogs, it can easily become overwhelming. It doesn’t matter what the latest trend is. It’s your wedding to plan. Not Modern Bride’s or Martha Stewart’s. The plans will come along just fine. You are happy to be getting married, period.
1. Never lose sight of why you’re planning a wedding. You have chosen to spend your lives together—and that is a wonderful thing. I have seen brides and grooms experience amnesia during the planning. They forget why they’re getting married and let the stress overwhelm them. “Bridezilla” may be an exaggeration, but these women—and their crazy grooms—exist. The planning process is not always pretty. It can take over your life—if you let it.
2. Think of wedding planning as a joint effort. You and your mate should work on things together and have designated tasks (give him lists of things to do with due dates), but also do a lot together. It makes the process fun.
3. Consider a budget ahead of time and stick to it. Don’t let anyone persuade you to do something you don’t want. Consider what you could buy or invest in post-wedding. If you skip on the expensive gown or caterer, the money can go toward education or a down payment on an apartment or house.
4. Wear what makes you feel good, not what the world thinks you should wear. You don’t have to wear a gown or a veil if you don’t want to. White, cream, and all versions of ivory are gorgeous, but not all of us want to wear it. Why not green, blue, silver, or gold? Here is a photo of a couple where the bride is wearing a gold cocktail dress. She was happy—and it showed.
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| Wear What Makes You Feel Good |
5. If in doubt, skip it. In the wedding industry, so much is about theater—and it’s optional. I had a location event coordinator go on about “lighting options.” My idea of good lighting? Tea lights and some simple votives on the tables and window sills.
6. Observe people carefully before deciding to work with them. I try to avoid vendors who say things like “You really should …” or “You have to …” or “You need to …” No, you don’t. As soon as someone starts talking to you like you are a child, run away as fast as you can!
7. Keep the wedding an expression of you and your mate. Write your own vows. Don't have a a best man or bridesmaids. Decide on a small ceremony on a separate day from the reception. No matter the reaction is from your family and friends, plug ahead with your plan.
 |
| Write Your Own Vows |
8. Shop around. Not all vendors are alike and never assume that a vendor is giving you the best possible price. Higher prices do not always correlate with higher quality in the wedding industry. It is hit or miss. And when a vendor hears the word “wedding,” it’s often code for (sshhhh!) “double the price.” Give yourself options and don’t feel rushed into doing anything. Base your decision on compatibility and need.
9. Designate one night of the week when wedding discussions are off-limits. Banning wedding talk guarantees that there is one day when not a thought or trickle of conversation between you and your mate is given over to “the big day.” Hell, make it three days a week.
10. Ditch what you don’t like; take what works for you. There is so much advice out there: from books, Pinterest, magazines, TV shows, web sites, and blogs, it can easily become overwhelming. It doesn’t matter what the latest trend is. It’s your wedding to plan. Not Modern Bride’s or Martha Stewart’s. The plans will come along just fine. You are happy to be getting married, period.