Carolyn Burke STL Blog

Question: My husband-to-be and I are fighting all the time and often feel ill at ease about the details of our wedding. We used to get along so perfectly – before planning a wedding- and now we are at each other’s throats. It’s been such a wonderful relationship and we consider ourselves conscious’ people. How did things change and how can I bring things back into balance? Answer: It will be wonderful again! You might even find it can be better if you can weather the wedding storms in a balanced way. It is important to remember that wedding planning tends to take you out of ordinary life and into an extraordinary situation. In that situation, small things get blown to larger proportions and difficult situations seem ever-more trying. Along with the joy, wedding planning brings up discomfort, fear, worries, imbalance, and a tad of insanity. Even very sweet people can feel their cool melt down when wedding stress comes their way. Your relationship will improve when you do things ...

One of the largest parts of planning a wedding is dealing with vendors. Couples have to deal with musicians, florists, churches, caterers, seamstresses, banquet halls and more. In a perfect world, all vendors would be honest and provide the exact services you paid for, but there will be some businesses that won't perform up to standards and may even try to take advantage of you. First, don't agree to a contract that is too vague. Lack of specificity leaves room for vendors to make changes or tack on extra costs. Everything should appear on paper, including: Dates Times (including set-up and clean-up times, if applicable) Locations Prices plus taxes and gratuities Payment plan Delivery schedule Number and names of professionals Expected attire of professionals Refund and cancellation policies Any overtime fees Even if planning feels like an intimate experience with your wedding professionals, you should still insist on getting everything in writing. A respected...

Repeat after me: Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night will keep me from my appointed wedding. Planning a wedding is one of the most stressful ventures you will ever survive. A million details must all seem to effortlessly fall into place. There has to be a point where one finally admits defeat and accepts anything fate can throw its way, right? After all, you can't control everything. It's not as if you can control the weather. Not so fast. You may not be able to control the weather on your wedding day just yet, but you can take a great number of precautions to ensure that your guests will not even notice that weather was ever a concern to you to begin with. Outdoor Wedding Ceremony It's not enough to know in what climate and what time of year you will be getting married. Surprise storms pop up all the time. As a matter of fact, I've never heard of a predicable storm. If you are planning an outdoor wedding or under a pavilion, it is wise to ...

Putting together a wedding ceremony takes work. And whether you, your mother, his mother, or a wedding consultant will be doing some of the work, somebody is going to need a plan to ensure that, amid all the details, excitement, hoopla, and traumas that are about to commence, you and your groom-to-be somehow wind up married (smiling, laughing, and still completely in love) at the end of it all. Choosing a ceremony that is meaningful is important because the wedding ceremony IS the wedding.. Suddenly, these choices seemed more important than deciding which flowers   to carry, photographs to shoot, or foods to serve. Your ceremony can symbolize   your marriage and all of the unique and personal values you choose to being to that marriage. So how do you come up with a plan? Discuss each person’s visions of the ceremony. I have come up with the WHO, WHAT , WHEN, and WHERE of ceremony planning. WHO Ask yourself who you are holding your wedding for. Maybe it’s an in...

Here are 10 ways to avoid the whole wedding racket, or what I call “the wedding industrial complex .” 1.    Never lose sight of why you’re planning a wedding. You have chosen to spend your lives together—and that is a wonderful thing.  I have seen brides and grooms experience amnesia during the planning. They forget why they’re getting married and let the  stress overwhelm them. “Bridezilla” may be an exaggeration, but these women—and their crazy grooms—exist. The planning process is not always pretty. It can take over your life—if you let it. 2.   Think of wedding planning as a joint effort.  You and your mate should work on things together and have designated tasks (give him lists of things to do with due dates), but also do a lot together. It makes the process fun. 3.   Consider a  budget ahead of time and stick to it. Don’t let anyone persuade you to do something you don’t want. Consider what you could buy or invest in post-wedding....

Make Your List and Check it Twice You will be compiling a guest list from four different people or groups.   1. Bride List 2. Groom List 3. Bride's Parents List 4. Groom's Parents List As you begin the selection of your invited guests, you'll invite your parents to submit their guest wish lists.  Use the term "wish list," since you will ultimately decide who makes the final cut. Yes, parents who are paying for all or part of the wedding might think otherwise, but it's ultimately your choice of who you want to share your day with.  Parents should of course be given the chance to invite some of their closest friends, but as a matter of honor to you, they should never be invited in place of your friends. The bride and groom will have one list of your relatives and friends; the bride's parents will compile their list; the groom's parents will compile their list. If you have more than two sets of parents, such as remarried parents, they get...

One of the largest parts of planning a wedding is dealing with vendors. Couples have to deal with musicians, florists, churches, caterers, seamstresses, banquet halls and more. In a perfect world, all vendors would be honest and provide the exact services you paid for, but there will be some businesses that won't perform up to standards and may even try to take advantage of you. First, don't agree to a contract that is too vague. Lack of specificity leaves room for vendors to make changes or tack on extra costs. Everything should appear on paper, including: Dates Times (including set-up and clean-up times, if applicable) Locations Prices plus taxes and gratuities Payment plan Delivery schedule Number and names of professionals Expected attire of professionals Refund and cancellation policies Any overtime fees Even if planning feels like an intimate experience with your wedding professionals, you should still insist on getting everything in writing. A resp...

The wedding industry is a collection of small businesses that create one big, fancy and relatively recession-proof business in the United States.  Regardless of the economy, people find a way to drop big money in the name of love—or, attention and making money if you’re Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.  In many ways planning a wedding is a lot a lot like starting and running a business. Both require a tremendous amount of personal involvement, are driven by a passion for perfection, and require great detail and supreme organization in order to be a success. Have A Vision All those dreams, ideas and high expectations are part of a plan. It’s a business plan really, and likely the best piece of technical writing you’ve ever crafted. Whether this document is for your new company or for your big day, it is a solid, well-thought out representation of what you want and what you plan to achieve no matter what gets in your way. Calculate A Budget In order to mak...

A Disaster?  Not Quite... The process of planning a wedding can often damage friendships, lead to arguments with in-laws, shatter hopes and cause huge power struggles. When you are preparing for your special day, don't forget what it's really all about. Don't Give Others Too Much Power Sometimes brides-to-be feel the need to please others to ensure that their special day is a success. Often, giving in to the whims of family and friends can lead to disaster. If you give someone enough power to ruin your day, isn't that your choice? Remember that it's your day to shine. Don't Become "Bridezilla" If you're obsessing over every little tiny detail, thinking about it all day and having nightmares about it at night, you can lose sight of what really matters.  Focus on the fact that it's a day about the two of you creating a bond and a union. Learn to Ask for and Accept Help from Loved Ones Don't be afraid to invite your closest frie...

Who knew planning a wedding would be akin to staging a major Broadway production? To help out with your co-directorial debut, I have prepared a cross-section of the wedding day cast of characters. (Keep in mind that most roles can be played by either gender, and by as many people as you want.) This is actually a really long post in five parts. So enjoy . . . Junior Bridesmaids/Jr Groomsmen/Jr Ushers These are young members of the wedding party (aged 9-16). They'll attend all major functions (excluding Adult-Rated ones) and fulfill the same responsibilities as senior squad members. Lasses can wear less-sexy versions of the bridesmaid dresses (if the dresses are risqué); lads may don a tux like the big guys. Flower Girl  One or two flower girls, between the ages of 4 and 8, walk down the aisle alone or with the ring bearer.  They can carry pomanders (balls of flowers that match the bridesmaids' or bride's bouquet held by a ribbon, a basket of rose petals to sc...

Pass this on to your mother and future mother-in-law. Responsibilities of the Mother of the Bride First and foremost, be a warm listener, chief cheerleader, constantly complimenting, and otherwise a source of support for your daughter. Help the bride find the wedding dress of her dreams, as well as other wedding attire. Help look for wedding and reception locations, particularly if the wedding is taking place in your home town and not theirs. If you haven't already met, contact the groom's parents and arrange to meet. Choose your mother-of-the-bride dress as soon as possible, then let the groom's mother know what you have picked.   If possible, send her a swatch of the fabric and/or pictures so that she can look for a gown that will compliment yours. Discuss the wedding budget with your daughter and her fiancé, including what you are willing to pay for, and the ideal total number of guests. Quickly draw up the guest list for your side of the...

Some couples who have been single a long time or are getting married for a second time are asking family and friends not to send them gifts. Instead, they have requested that guests make donations to charity in honor of the couple or participate in a honeymoon registry. In Lieu of Wedding Gifts It is considered bad manners for the bride and groom to mention anything in writing, such as placing a note in their invitations, indicating that they want monetary gifts, or where they are registered. Remember, this is not about the gifts or the money, this is a party celebrating your love and union. I still feel having a  WEDDING WEBSITE can help communicate your wishes on this topic. If the idea of giving to CHARITY has crossed your mind - you may wish to include a small card which reads... " While we celebrate the richness of life and all the circumstances that have blessed us in career and love, we are mindful of those who are suffering greatly as a result...

The process of planning a wedding can often damage friendships, lead to arguments with in-laws, shatter hopes and cause huge power struggles. When you are preparing for your special day, don't forget what it's really all about. Don't Give Others Too Much Power Sometimes brides-to-be feel the need to please others to ensure that their special day is a success. Often, giving in to the whims of family and friends can lead to disaster. If you give someone enough power to ruin your day, isn't that your choice? Remember that it's your day to shine. Don't Become "Bridezilla" If you're obsessing over every little tiny detail, thinking about it all day and having nightmares about it at night, you can lose sight of what really matters.  Focus on the fact that it's a day about the two of you creating a bond and a union. Learn to Ask for and Accept Help from Loved Ones Don't be afraid to invite your closest friends and family to help with s...